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A tip of the hat to the United
States Department of Homeland Security for selecting Rex Mountain Lion as its official
mascot. As a public outreach professional myself, I have known Rex as a colleague
and acquaintance for many years, and have grown to respect his work in our mutual field of
endeavor. I have not had the opportunity to congratulate him personally, as I don't
happen to run in the same circles as he does in his private life, and I can't imagine I'm
first on his list to share the excitement with. But having found out in the
newspaper like everyone else, I can say that I am happy to see that the Department is
taking no chances in squandering taxpayer dollars on potentially controversial or
groundbreaking campaigns, instead opting for the solid, reliable presence of a known
commodity for its new public persona.
No one can argue that Rex, an avid
outdoorsman, doesn't cut a fine figure. All those long hours of exercise and mirror
gazing have paid off in producing a fine specimen of a mascot, and I'm sure kids
everywhere will be delighted that our government has presented them with something
attractive to look at as they "surf" through the Department's offerings on the
"information superhighway."
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I know
how Rex and the whole Mountain Lion Family must be feeling right now. I still
remember the day when our founder, the great radical psychologist and cultural iconoclast
Dr. Abram S. Lugner took me aside to give me the news that I was to don the mantle of
"Youth Outreach Mascot" for such a noble institution as The Art of
Bleeding. I knew that, while the money might not be as much as with a cushy,
high-profile government position, I would be happy in the satisfaction that I was doing
something meaningful with my life. I couldn't be content to think of myself as
window dressing for a bloated bureaucratic monstrosity with no real connection to the
people that I claimed to serve.
Oddly enough, I can tell you that I, myself applied for the very position that Rex is now
stepping into with such fanfare. I had some exciting ideas to bring to the table on
the subject of kids' awareness of global terrorism. I felt strongly that there has
been enough "pussyfooting" around the topic; enough of couching what is easily
our our nation's gravest threat in ambiguous terms and sugar coating the whole affair
until the most important element - the terror itself - disappears and sinks to the bottom
of the whole sacchariney mess. I did my best to wave my flag, even going to the
personal expense of having a thousand flyers printed up with an original logo and a
catchy, kid-friendly campaign of my own design.
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The
public relations geniuses at the Department of Homeland Security must have considered this to be
more than the public could handle, so when my first application came back rejected, I made
a few changes, updating the "feel" of the logo and bringing it more "in
tune" with the energy of today's youth, and this time I personally delivered it to
the front desk of the Department's L.A. district office. Sadly for me, these changes
were not even enough to convince the rather rude receptionist that my approach was the
right one. I can only hope that one day they'll face up to the music and start
telling these kids what they need to know.
Until then,
though, kudos to Rex and the whole Mountain Lion Family. I hope your year or so with
the Ready Kids program is all you ever hoped it would be. Let's cross our fingers
that they stick with your campaign as long as possible, before they change it for
something else on a whim. So best wishes, Rex, and good luck stomping out
international terrorism!
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